Rice Krispies Treats & Dutch Masters Cigars

I recently had two run-ins with the next generation that officially prove I am old and no longer cool, and that fruits and vegetables are not at the top of our teenagers’ wish lists.

About three weeks ago, at a suburban Long Island train station, a teenager approached me and asked if I wanted to support his basketball team.

KID: “Excuse me, sir; I’m trying to raise money for my basketball team. Do you want to buy a Rice Krispies Treat?”

ME: “No, but I’d buy carrots if you were selling those.”

KID: “What?”

ME: “If you were selling carrots instead of Rice Krispies Treats, I’d buy those from you.”

KID: “Damn.”

Then, last week in Manhattan, another teenager standing outside a deli beckoned me while waving folded dollar bills.

KID: “Excuse me, sir; would you buy me a Dutch?”

ME (not knowing what a Dutch was): “How about an orange or an apple?”

KID: “What?”

ME: “I’ll buy you an orange or an apple.”

KID: “Nah, I’d rather have a Dutch.”

I did a little research and discovered that a “Dutch” is slang for a Dutch Masters cigar. A Dutch is often used by those who like to roll their own marijuana cigarettes, more commonly known as "blunts," "bleezies," "fattys," or "Dutchies." The tobacco is removed from the cigar, and the cigar wrapper—bigger than rolling paper—is then rolled with marijuana.

I also found out that Dutch Masters are available in different flavors (i.e. strawberry, grape, honey, cognac). I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had bought the kid a fruit-flavored variety.

Next time.